Suffocation

Time flies. It's been 7 years since i left highschool and last week's reunion was great (well, i planned it, of course it was great!).

"How's internship?" People would ask me. I'd just smile and tell them, "Oh, it's been fine."

Deep down, no one can understand what i'm going through right now. For the very first time, i'm starting to crumble down to pressure. No, not peer pressure, but to work pressure. The working environment's fun and exciting, but where i'm at is a problem. My colleagues are nice (well, some) but my bosses are just... erm... let's just put it this way. Losing may not be a choice to them. They're awesome workers, but the way i'm being worked, it ain't really tallying to my "liking". I'm so different when it comes to events management. I know i can do better, but here, i'm strained with my hands tied up.

After being involved in numerous event jobs, i'm now here having my hands-on training with accounts management. No, i don't handle numbers (oh well, sometimes). And i find it really, really tough, especially when heavy responsibilities are thrown given to me.

Every night i'd wish i'm back home having dinner, talking and laughing with my family, and every morning i'd wish Malaysia had a total blackout. Right after degree, i'm flung into the world of working, and i ain't even in the field i wanted in the first place. It's because i had that stupid inkling of trying out how is it like and right now, after a month's stint, here i am wishing i was somewhere sipping pina colada and enjoying the gentle sea breeze.

I am so tempted to give up and go do something else instead. I'd go back to what i do best - writing and handling events. I work best when i have to run around, and of course - less paper work. Argh, the thought of paper work, prints, checklists an etc is driving me nuts! And the worse feeling is to face my emotionless, hasty, "kancheong-spider" and i-want-it-on-the-dot bosses (despite the fact that with those "personalities" they succeed).

Call me weak, i don't care. Call me a pussy for giving up so easily, i don't fucking care. I'm a pure Sagi and i love freedom and i work best on what i love best. Not this.

This internship is overall wearing me thin. It's sucking out all the energy and enthusiasm i used to have during work and now i'm all left with an empty shell with a very weak soul; dangling on a thin line, awaiting for the best moment to set myself free.

Sigh. Where's my pillar of strength when i need it??

:(