I pulled the trigger... and shot my own foot.

It's been a while i've been a wussy and pour out my heart and feelings here. I've been busy with stuffs and wasn't motivated enuf to update.

Now i have a solid reason to do so.

An issue's been bugging me for quite a while. A friend talked about trusting our very first instincts, especially when u have experiences in certain circumstances. It would take you far and beyond your dreams of succeeding in life. A correct choice would bring happiness and inner-wealth; but a wrong step would just bring you down as low as a worm, albeit the experiences gained.

I did not follow that gut feeling of mine. And now i'm banging balls because of that particular stupid reason. Experiences; i have - good and bad ones to be equal. And right now i'm mounting onto a battle which i know i've already lost.

I've been labeled arrogant. I did not specify my motives. I portrayed wrong signals and this is where it has gotten me to. I feel butterflies in my stomach right now; not out of nervousness or feeling excited. But instead, the butterflies are eating up my stomach linings. I feel pain. It feels like needles poking through... jabbing and thrusting into the nerves of my body system, making me numb from the whole experience; not knowing what to do and how to react.

Maybe some things are meant to be. Some just plainly won't fall into the puzzle you've been trying to solve and to make the perfect picture.

Well, mine just crumbled into another pile of unsolved mystery.

Back to square one.

What i realize now is that, too much knowledge and not knowing how to apply it properly would also prove hazardous to oneself.



A realization... too late.