Untraceable depression

It's been 2 weeks after the first day of college (for us, dat is...) and everything seem to be so different from what it used to be for the past few semesters. I go to college, attend classes, hang out at the usual spots and go back. There ain't hype anymore. It's getting boring.

Project was okay. We had to start our own campus newspaper; which won't be sold. LoL. Econs by Ms Malar was okay too. I learnt a few things about economics... haha!! Moral studies was... erm... fun? I really don't know. I really do pity the lecturer. He's a really nice, friendly guy... however he's a bit physically challenged. But that didn't stop him from being cheerful, smiley-faced everyday and also to pass down knowledge to his students. Erm... somehow that was abit hard to swallow as most of them in class wasn't too keen on paying attention. I really did felt sorry was him as he was trying his best to get everyone's attention, his way. But...

Anyhow, i did my part and paid as much attention as i could to him. I really do salute him for trying.

Finally... my favorite subject - Intro. to Corporate Comm (ICC)! Specially welcoming the lecturer himself... Mr. KUMAR!! Yeaahhh...

-_-lll

I don't wanna say much about this anymore. I'll just do my part in class, study hard and score as high grade as i can. I don't wanna skip classes anymore either. I'm so sick of explaining to incompetent lecturers who themselves lack the skills to teach, yet try to make the students lick their shows or kiss their asses. BULL! I"m gonna show them i ain't what they think i am. I know i'm different because i ain't as lucky as some people at college where their families are rich enough to continue feeding them with silver gold spoons. I'm from a family with a tour-guiding dad who slogs 18/7 to keep the income secured; a retired bank manager mum who's sick of the corporate world, practically almost breaking her back taking care of the family, not to mention maintain firm ties with relatives and also doing her part in counselling, in her law studies, temple duties and etc, two hardworking sisters who seldom goes out, however glued to the computer for some unknown reasons. I'm just sick of my life... i want something more out of it.

I've been feeling down lately but no one knows, not even Manda who somehow can always tell i'm not ok. It's killing me inside, slowly... I'm trying so hard to change, not to show i'm upset and that something is bugging me inside out. But i can't hold on much longer. I just needed to do something about this.

I'm already 23 this year. No thanks to people who keep reminding me about it, esp at college. I realized that, with or without their "help". I know i'm getting older and i'm still in diploma, for crying out loud! All my friends are working, at the degree studies, finished studies, married and even dead. At least the dead ones ain't pulling their families down to their graves... i am.

With the constant issue bugging me; balancing my life with my family, friends, Manda, studies and also my own personal life; i don't think i can take it much longer.

I've known people who are doing well. If not with relationship, at least they're working and making use of their life. I'm not. I've friends who're balancing their life pretty well. I'm not.

I really don't know what to do. I feel damn useless now. I feel guilty. I feel weak. I feel helpless. I feel... i feel... i feel like i need to do something with my life.

I'm out.

A new start

Finally... it's the last day of internship and "holidays" for us!! In another few hours, everyone will be back at college... but damn it, i hv an extra subject to go thru this semester... ICC!! My internship report is almost done, i'm just left with my logbook to update then i'm done! But the thought of going back for classes, somehow still freaks me out. I still want a holiday!! Arghh...!!

I've not been blogging constantly these days... i don't know why. Somehow that interest died down due to some personal reasons. I used to enjoy blogging; everytime i go out, i will always have something to blog about, but then again... haihh... dunno le. Lost of mood alrd. My blog seems to be getting empty as time goes by. No photos, all words will only make the blog boring. Well, one of the stupid reasons is that i don't have a proper camera!

Anyway... i wanna go do something else now. Will update soon!
Can't wait to see everyone in college tmrw!!

I'm out.

Can't wait...

For once i'm actually blogging at home and not at the office.

Speaking of office, i'm gonna miss working with the guys there. EVO Mag was a blast, and the people of JUICE mag were a bunch of an awesome gang! Wan was a really nice guy and some others were just plain entertaining. I learnt alot of things working with them. Even got free passes to certain clubbing events from April, the editor of JUICE herself. LoL. At EVO, writing and getting to see sports cars is just... unbelievable! And at the same time, some car events also include hot babes too! Gahhh... i'm gonna miss those!! Well, i'm going back to college anyway...

The last two months was a breeze and a amazingly fun one too. But life goes on, and i still have to go back to college and face my devils there.

I heard this year's Mass Colympics will be organized by some of the juniors. Let's see if it's gonna be as fun as the previous ones. Some of the organizing commitee are my friends too, namely a few: Ash and Alvin... hope they'd do a great job. I know i'll be there supporting their project as how everyone has been doing all along, despite one or two "steam-cutters" amongst the crowd. LoL. Wouldn't wanna go for class though. Muahahaha...

Anywaaaayy... tmrw will be my second last day at Catcha. Let's hope it's gonna be memorable. Maybe i'd go back there to work. But then again, they don't pay or pay very less, so... hahaha... But it's the experience which matters. Then again, i still have to pay for my meals, ciggies, petrol and such!! Gaahhh... maybe i'd just join Zahir at Tattle. Wahahaha...

7 days to college... -_-lll

I'm out.

Soon... pretty soon.

Gosh... i didn't know just because i was venting out my frustrations, so many misunderstandings happened. How are you gonna handle CPM if so? But to Stephy, Sabrina told me nothing and i got my own ways to get info, esp about CPM itself. I'm against that fella, and most of the class of the new CPM batch. Goshhh... just because i know doesn't mean i talked to Sabrina about it. LoL. Chill laaa!!

Anywaaayy... i'm still sick. BLAAARDY SICK!! Fever has been going on and off. This is just too torturing. One moment i'm allowed to do anything i want; eat, drink, smoke and whatever shits, the next moment my freaking fever came back!! And i'm all weak and all... -_-lll

Internships are ending soon and everyone will be coming back to coll!! I can't wait to see everyone!! I just can't wait. Working here at Catcha was a blast; i learnt so many things happening in a publishing company, met new people (although some may just seem unfriendly), saw new things and experience a life of a journalist when i go out and cover stories. This is so cool... my passion for writing and travelling is flaming up again! But right now all i need is... a holiday!

I'm tired.

I'm out.

Enough is ENOUGH

...and i mean it!!

When i heard about it, i was so furiously mad! Imagine this... furious... and MAD!! How can that motherfucker say something like this? I wonder if he told the exact same things to the previous semesters. But one thing for sure, he's a totally fucked up screwed motherfucker!!

It seems that every year, he must have told everyone bad lies about the previous semesters; badmouthing and backstabbing. And now it's our turn. What he told the juniors is just pure lies and something to patch his ego up. As if his fucked up reputation is not bad enough!! All he wants is people to suck up to him and make him king. That's what i hate about a lecturer. He can't teach, yet he wants to show off his "skills". I've been thinking about this... at his age, why would he wanna be a lecturer when he can earn more money in the working field. Public Relations it seems. But obviously he sucks at it, that's why he's here to "teach" and corrupt the minds of students here. Every fucked up theory he "teaches" seems to be useless when it comes to the real thing. NOTHING can be used, on the contrary to his beliefs. Yet he bad-mouths about my batch - me and my friends who worked their arses off to make the fucking project a success, to keep his stupid reputation as our advisor; despite one or two slackers. Now the project is over, people complimenting him, his fucking ego as high as the sky, he's dumping us aside and now wishing the new batch would lift his ego even higher!! What's next? He's gonna be GOD??

Now what angers me most is that he told our junior semester that what we earned for our project wasn't the highest among the others, contradicting to what he told us. Blaaardy lies i tell you this blasphemer is fucking out of his mouth!! I just can't stand the sight of him right now...

This three-faced fuckersnake, gets his way all the time with impossible requests and demands. As a lecturer, he doesn't guide but gives more pressure, especially when he's not even involved! With the money sucked in by the college, it's a wonder why would the management still keep someone like him in the faculty. One failure from that particular subject means the incompetency of a lecturer. And it seems we have a few from his classes... so go figure.

I'm so fucking pissed with that fella... and most of all, the JUNIORS!! This semester's students of CPM... good luck as u all need it soooo much right now. For those who bad-mouthed our project when you didn't even lift a single finger to help along, go fuck the wall and hope your project screws up. Let's hope you guys know what is "you scratch my back, i scratch yours". I swear i won't even wanna pay a single pinch of attention to whatever shit u guys are up to. For those who've did something... pity u guys and all the best.

I'm out.

Blaahhh..... -_-lll

The referee rules the pitch!

I'm so bored now. At my office, at my desk, browsing thru every site i could and guess what i found? I laughed my head off while watching this. Almost caught attention of my colleagues, which i would not want to happen... esp if my bosses catch me "snaking". LoL.

Check this out and entertain yourself. (note: Especially to football fans out there)

LoL.

Putting memories behind

It's been 3 days i've not blogged and it seems like ages. Haha... Well, i've been busy during the weekends and i fell sick on Monday. Slept the whole day!! Woke up at 5pm, dazed for a while, took a shower and then went out with Keen Seng for a drink and played StarCraft. Yeah, StarCraft, but it was KeenSeng's idea... dunno why. Then we went to The Village for a drink with Went and ChihJiun who came and join us after that.

I've been feeling weird these few days. Dunno why and can't explain it. I just do. Don't ask me why. Right now i was awoken abruptly by a stupid nightmare which i don't even remember. LoL. Here i am tapping away on my keyboard and listening to Avril Lavigne's songs over and over again, especially Keep Holding On.

Just now while talking to Keen Seng and the guys, i kinda missed the good ol' days when i'm still hanging out with my highschool friends. We were talking about how much fun we had during highschool days.

Vividly in my memories, i can still remember the time when the whole softball team went to Sunway Lagoon to celebrate our straight 13 wins since the club was formed. We talked about how much fun we had; playing and trying out the rides at the wet-park, and also about how our coach, KarHeng slept through the whole affair as he had a hangover. Haha... After that we went to Sunway Pyramid's Harts Chicken BUffet for dinner. Haha... a whole team of softball guys means bad news to the management of chicken buffet as we almost swept the trays of fried chicken CLEAN!! Hahaha... we all had our portions of chicken... 18 pieces minimum!! LoL. KarHeng was our KING of course, having 23 pieces on his belt. NO one could beat his record. Haha...

We talked about other experiences and memories we had long time back. Trips to Genting, Langkawi and all the yamcha sessions. Those brought back fond memories. I miss those days.

Well, life goes on and time ways by slowly without us noticing it. It's almost been more than 5 yrs we left highschool, along with the fond memories built with it. Right now i'm all sobered up and trying to get over it. I have a new life now, i've met Manda and new friends and i also extra problems to ponder on now.

Golly... all this is making me sleepy.

I'm out. Nite.

Malaysia takes another hike (pt.2)

I was supposed to write a feature on Silverstone, but ended up having a writer's block. After going out with Wan and a few other colleagues for lunch, i'm still blocked! So i decided to blog hop for a while, and ended up at Jeff Ooi's blog.

The most recent post was talking about the toll price hike (I'm still freaking pissed with the petrol hike!!!) and i was so glued to the screen while reading on and on.

By all means, just go up to Sunway Pyramid this Sunday and join in the fun! Maybe with everyone around, something may change to make everyone's lives a better one and also Malaysia a better country to live in. Click HERE for more info. Don't they see that everyone's lives are worsening?!?! Every fucking stuff in Malaysia is raising their prices but never the paycheque of the people who contributed to the growing economy of our beloved country. But guess who're enjoying the benefits out of all these??? Go figure...

Fuck corrupted police officers. Fuck the irresponsible, low-educated, chavinistic ministers. Fuck the whole "trying to improve the country" crap. The more they're trying to "improve", the more fucked up the lives of Malaysians.

All we need is just a peaceful country to stay in. Not bow down and suffer from their "ruling" and crap. Pretty soon enough, we're gonna have another INFLATION partaaaayy!! Yaayy... and i'd wonder who's gonna suffer more.

Hell yeahh!!

-_-lll

Malaysia takes another hike

Last night when i went back, dad called me and asked me to fill the petrol tank... FULL! That's a first time from him! I was kinda suspicious, until he told me that petrol prices will be going up RM0.40 by tmrw (which is today). I frantically sped to the nearest petrol station and filled RM50 of petrol. Too bad i didn't use V-Power Racing again... it'd be damn expensive, rite?

At the petrol station, some stupid motherfucker in a Proton Waja swerved and took my pump, which i had to line up for. I blasted my horn at him but he ignored it. Even the attendant couldn't do anything about it but shrugged and smiled at me. Apparently he wanted to take the pump in front but his fucking ass was sticking out! I was so furious, i just drove up and parked my car as near as i could to him. My car plate number was almost touching his bumper, which was almost 2cms apart. While i paid for my petrol, i could see him fumbling over it while pumping gas into his pathetic Waja. Now that's what i call revenge is sweet.

But little did i know, mum's car was just next to my pump. Talk about coincidence. She just smiled at the whole affair.

-_-lll

The RM0.40 was just some stupid rumor after all...

What i'm pissed now is, that from what i heard is that petrol prices will be hiked up another RM0.60 after the Chinese New Year!! Gaaahhh...!! Do you know how much is the petrol by that time?!?! And they're frantically pushing to produce and sell more pathetic Protons?!?! GREAT!!

The funny thing about this is that they'd compare the prices of petrol with other countries, and claim ours is still one of the lowest. WHO CARES?! This is our country and we're living in it, not outsiders! Who on this blaaardy world would wanna compare their own country but ethnocentric fools! We ain't developing as planned, yet every fucking product in this country is rising. And everyone's still struggling to make ends meet, be they Malay, Chinese, Indian or the other minorities. Some don't even have food on their table, and now petrol price is rising. The government never realize about it that the more they do this (raising prices on this and that), the more the people would hate and go against them. Yet they're "serving" the public. My ass...

When petrol prices go up, prices on other stuffs go up as well. So by that time, who's gonna suffer? Who else but the public... while the other ministers are still enjoying life playing golf or cleaning their BMWs which they attained from APs given to them. Doesn't anyone realize what's going on here?? I love my country yet the government is making it hard for us to stay put. I'd love to get out of here and migrate to another country. Be it as a second-class citizen, at least we don't have to bear all this unnecessary burden.

First they raise petrol prices, then toll prices, and now petrol prices....

What's next? Electricity and Water prices too? Are they gonna charge us for clean air or problem-free highways again?? Who knows? The government is such a Houdini.

I'm so pissed with everything around me now. Not only the price hike, but everything!!!

GAAAHHHHH!!!

Too much of this

Fame is always something everyone has been craving for in life: to be in the limelight... to be recognized and say hi to. It's that particular feeling somehow everyone would want once in a while. But when it becomes too much, it turns to obssession. It goes up to their heads.

Why is it that when fame and fortune comes into the picture between people, it ruins every aspect in life! Money is always the root of all evil... i totally freaking agree on that! Close friends and family would argue and scramble among each other just for the sake of that small sum of money. When it comes to favors, money has always been one of the toughest barrier anyone would have to go thru, just to accomplish something.

But what about fame? To me, it's just something temporary. You're gonna lose it sooner or later.

Look at the celebs around us; in KL for example. Yeah, people notice them but people hardly go up to them just to shake their blaaardy hand! I don't know... maybe it's the glory of being recognized? Or maybe it's because they're paid more and get to be on tv and everyone sees their puny faces on the screen while they blabber away. I do admit, i sometimes would wanna be known around the public, especially for something i've achieved on my own. But then again, i don't have or did anything which would be known to everyone. At least i know my own achievements and am proud of them.

What i've got to say in this, is that fame will always gets up to everyone's head... all the way up, til u dun even have the rationality to sit down and ponder which is right and which is wrong; no matter how true you are to urself, to ur love and even to friends. Fame suppresses values and integrity, instead they habor selfishness and the will to go all the way up without realizing the people they harm and hurt along the way. All they want is to rocket up to success, by indirectly (and maybe directly) taking advantage of people close to them. Some may not realize this, some may have. But it just sickens me when i see my own friends being stuck in that warphole and never get out of there, ever... It's stuck in their hard shell, ferrying their fame-filled minds.

Soon, it will all come crashing down when the right time comes. If some are lucky, they'll still keep what they have and will obtain even more. Good for them, then. But for some, they may be hated for disregarding the factors which led them to what they wanted. Fame will always be a parasite to those who're striving for being the best until they forget the true meaning of their success and most importantly, what made them to be what they are, or should i say, WHO made them to be what they are now...

But in reality, fame will always overpower the security and support given by friends.

I'm out.

Post holiday blues

It's the third day of 2007, but i'm still feeling bluey from the "long" break, from Friday til yesterday (Tuesday). I'm still tired... i don't really feel like going back to work. But then again, i have 2 more weeks... 7 more days to be exact... before i end my internship and back to college!! Yayy!!

Wait... thinking of going back to college reminds me of something - taking ICC next semester. Actually, it ain't that bad, until you come to the fact that i've to face that motherfucker as my lecturer. I'm praying hard i'd be getitng a new lecturer!!

*praying* Please please please please please please please please!! *praying*

Right now i'm in my office. No one seems to be in the office yet, except for a few... Wan, Chris, Tze Khay, Sharon, Caren and a few more people whom i don't really know their names. Maybe they're still enjoying the holidays, perhaps. Even Sau Meng is not at her desk. I'm so confused now... dazed is more the word. -_-lll

I'm hungry, yet don't feel like eating... I'm bored.

Happy New Year, everybodieeeeee!!

I'm out.

A new start of 2007

Oh goshh... i just woke up and realized it was alrd 5.30pm! basically i slept for more than 10 hours!! I'm feeling so dazed and still sleepy. LoL. What a way to start the New Year.

Last few nights was just too taxing! And i don't think i wanna entirely blog about them... maybe i'd just post up some pics about our activites...

Fri night, we went for Sabrina's birthday at her place's steamboat restaurant. Blaardy hell, we were lost! I practically went thru 6 tolls and almost went all the way to Seremban!! Had to call up Jay for directions. At least his was much more understandable than Sab's. Swt! We got there and the shop was almost closing. So basically we had a bit of food, then the cake. Then we all went to Sab's place to chill and watch DVDs. No pics taken though.

On Sat night, we went to John's Christmas/New Year's Eve dinner party. We got there quite late as well. Same case as Fri night, we had to call Charles for directions this time. Went thru 4 tolls!! And finally we were there. The food was cooked by John's dad and they were awesome! I love the lasagna especially. John's friends were there, Charles got there early and we met a few new friends. After the food, we went inside to chat with John's mum. She's totally a cool lady, talked to us about alot of stuffs: John's dark secrets, what life is about and told us to enjoy life... damn nice lady! After that we went outside to chill and crap.

Not much pics taken though.

Our host, John Paul @ JP

Charles and Andre

Kevin and some of John's friends

JP, Kev and Brandon

JP and his gal, Nadine

Manda and i

Sunday night was the most tiring one. Got up at 1.30pm and went to Bukit Bintang for the event. Got there and thought the event will start at 3pm, but turns out that no one from the audience came! So basically we waited for almost 6 hours! No food as well... i was starving my head off!

Finally, at 9pm, more and more people came in. The event started off with Manda's dance performance. Nice touch to it as they had something new... Hip Hop! Nicely done!

The trademark dance, Fusion
From left: Manda, Jess, Nadeem & Yuanie

The "hip-hop" styled Doom dance

After that we had the band performances. A few local (yet unknown...) bands came to perform. Even Peter and Marissa came to perform! They totally rocked at Rock The World 7 the other day! One of the highlights of the event were the Divas! They were actually ladies yet, but still in construction. LoL. One of them, Freda gave a mood-lifting performance to the crowd with her inside jokes about "her" still being in construction. Haha... The whole event went up til the countdown of the New Year (no countdown though... sadly). After that more partying and all - clubbing style!!

Peter and Marissa rocking the crowd

The... erm... Divas?

The crowd waiting for the arrival for...

...The Dancing Divas!

Freda

Manda, Jaz and Freda giving out prizes

A kid giving Freda a kiss

Jenhan got a piece too

More of the Dancing Divas

When the last dancing divas came out and perform, it was almost 12am! Sadly, it wasn't quite a countdown to the new years, cz no one realized about it until the divas popped a few confetti cannons. Sigh. But then again, there's next year.

The only way to get a glimpse of the fireworks

The crowd moving to the music

Manda found her dancing partner

We stopped by at Pan Bakery for supper
From left: Charles, KumYeen, ZhiMin, Eli and Manda
(doing the lala pose... 1,2,3,4...)

Went back and slept our heads off.

Now we're going out to Sunway Pyramid to meet up with Manda's friends. Later i'm going home and sleep summore!! I NEED SLEEP!! -_-lll

I'm out.

IT'S OUT!!

I can't believe it's out! It's out... it's out!!!

No one would get what's the whole point of being so excited about all this and why do i have to blog about this, but i won't give a damn. I just love it!!

Check this out and you'd understand.



Cool huh?? Yeah i know!!

Girls wouldn't understand the whole thing, if they ain't into it. But i don't care... I LOVE IT!!

Anyway, i just got back from Manda's event. It was great. Will post about it later on.

I'm out... and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!